Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
