I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
