my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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