He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
