dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
