yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
