At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
