He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
