just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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