I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
