my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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