I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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