I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
