OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
