I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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