I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
