Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
