So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
