bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize