you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
