Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
