To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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