I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
40s are totally the cure
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
