It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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