Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
