I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
