You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
