I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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