My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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