Grow some girl-balls and come out already
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
