i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
