Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
