i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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