This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
