I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
