She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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