so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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