I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
