Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
