He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
