she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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