what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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