Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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