After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
