Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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