His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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