Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
