I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
