my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize