Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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