WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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