seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
