Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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