once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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