gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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