Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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