The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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