i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
