every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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