I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
