I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
