If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
