Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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