Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
