I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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