She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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