shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
