Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
