Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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