Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize