I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
