I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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