R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
