Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
