Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
