I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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