I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
