two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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