Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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