Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
