And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
